DANIEL, ancient lion tamer. Also performed the difficult feat
of remaining in a fiery furnace without his family applying for
DANTE, of Italy, architect of the under world, journalist,
lover, and poor politician. Wrote articles for magazines, but
used too much slang. Later fell in love. The girl (see her)
knew what journalists were, and refused to spoon. Exasperated,
he began a bombardment of poetry. That settled it. D. then
entered politics. Soon learned they did not mix with love and
his business. Both he and his manuscripts were banished.
Traveled in Italy in the interests of safety. Posed for his
bust while suffering with a bad attack of dyspepsia.
Publications: Poems, tragedies, and comedies (?). Ambition:
To be Beatrice's Romeo. Recreation: Travel. Address: II via
Dante, Florence. Seldom at home.
DANTON, the man who wound up France before the revolution.
DARLING, Grace, a light-house keeper's daughter who showed the
world that a woman may fear a mouse, but not a tempest. One of
the truly brave who did not receive a Carnegie advertisement.
DARWIN, Charlie, a well-known enemy of preachers. He discovered
that many men looked like their progenitors, and proved his
theories with the exception of one link. The clergymen claimed
that a chain with one link missing was no chain, and that D.
was a nature faker. Publications: Origin of Species, a
valuable book, even if it does fail to explain the currency
DAUGHTER, Pharaoh's, an Egyptian princess, who took a bath, and
rescued little Moses from the bull rushes. (See Mose.)
DAVID, King, or "Dave," shepherd, writer, musician, champion
sling shot, and politician. Son of poor parents. Entered army
as a volunteer, and was awarded medals for his attack upon
Goliath. Appointed musician to the royal household. Became
friendly with the Prince of Wales and succeeded in doing him
out of the coronation. Later was elected king. Fell in love
with Mrs. (name not mentioned by newspapers). Gave her husband
a conspicuous position in the army. Married her. Heir: Sol.
Publications: Psalms. Recreation: Slinging. Address:
DEATH, a hideous man who called at least once during a
lifetime, usually toward the close. Patron of insurance
companies. Nothing is known of his childhood. Historians claim
he never had any. Possessed an ugly face; wore a sheet over his
head, and always carried a scythe in his hands. Never brought
happiness, although his visits frequently gave money to some
one. Never could be bribed to pass a house he wished to enter.
Many doctors and scientists have endeavored to kill him, but he
continues to be a safe bet at 100 to 1. Heir: None.
Ambition: A happy home and prosperous graveyards. Recreation:
Sharpening scythes. Address: Always hung out a black cloth
wherever he resided.
DELILAH, friend of Samson, and quite a dip. She also
accompanied Samson on a number of European and American opera
DELMONICO, founder of a Fifth Avenue New York City cafe, where
the cost of living has ever been high. He introduced the
French menu into the U. S. and with it considerable
DEMOSTHENES, an old Greek talker.
DENIS, Saint, a saint with an Irish name who made good in
DEPEW, Chauncey M., an ancient railroad-wealthy U. S. Senator
from the state of New York. He made after-dinner speeches,
dedicated monuments; married a young wife, and was relegated to
obscurity by the American voters.
DESDEMONA, of Venice. A lady whose handkerchiefs cost more
than her clothes.
DESLYS, G., a French dancer who had sufficient charm to attract
a royal press agent, who could draw crowds and a big salary.
DEVIL, see Old Nic.
DEWAR, John, inventor of a popular Scotch beverage without
which no cold day is complete.
DEWEY, George E., a former American hero who totally destroyed
a Spanish armada in Manila Bay. He received the homage of a
nation; had cigars named after him; appeared in Who's Who; was
paraded through the streets; married a widow; moved to
Washington; got in bad with the inhabitants, and got out of the
DIANA, an ancient sportswoman who loved fox hunting, hounds,
and the chase without the conventionalities of a society hunt.
DIAZ, Porfiro, former king and political leader of Mexico, who
departed from the social functions of a king to assist the
government. Legends prevail to the effect that he patterned
his actions on a Napoleon-Roosevelt policy. He also was
requested to move. Ambition: A revolution with himself on
top. Recreation: The fandango. Address: Fifty years in the
White House of Mexico. Epitaph: Wilson Never Bothered Me.
DICE, see Thomas and Harry.
DICE, Diamond, American ten-cent adventurer; friend of the
messenger boys and embryo criminals. His biography formed an
important part in the lives of the boys who never visited the
DICKENS, Charles, an English writer who wrote.
DIN, Gunga, a limpin' lump of brick dust, water carrier.
Employed in H. R. H. service in India. Wore few clothes.
Fought in many battles. Frequently gave bad water to soldiers.
Rescued Thomas Atkins, but was shot while in the act. Saved
the government the price of a medal. His pathetic story was
widely published. Later it fell into disfavor in the U. S. and
Great Britain, it now being considered a crime to recite the
story. Ambition: To come back like Sherlock Holmes.
Recreation: Sleep. Address: Care of biographer.
DIOGENES, the most foolish man who ever lived. He endeavored
to find something with a lantern which could not even be
located with a searchlight. Ambition: A brighter lantern.
Recreation: Cleaning globes. Address: Tub. Epitaph: Here
Lies A Man Who Attempted The Impossible.
DISRAELI, a Hebrew who gave up the trades of his ancestors to
DOE, John, an honest man who was defrauded out of millions by
persons who forged his name.
DOODLE, Yankee, American horseman who made people take off
their hats, shout, and whistle when he rode into town.
DORCAS, a modiste who founded the church gossip societies.
DOWIE, alias Elijah II, a celebrated Chicago divine who showed
the world how easily some people were deprived of their money
DRAKE, Francis, an English admiral who did not have a public
square named after him. D. also introduced the spud into
DREAMER, T. H. E., castle builder. Lived long ago, and
intended doing something to-day. Spent much time thinking about
the best girl in the world. A great friend of Procrastinator.
Went through life waiting for to-morrow. Several men, however,
with the same name, have awakened and given their dreams to the
world (see Columbus, etc., and Lady Macbeth).
DREW, John, prehistoric American actor.
DREYFUS, Captain, founder of the Dreyfus Case. Got out of jail
by being one of the few innocent men who got into print.
DUFF, Mac, a Scotchman who gained fame because he was a good
DUMPTY, H., celebrated accident victim. Fell from a wall at an
early age and never recovered, despite the services of
DUN, another man whose word of commendation will enable you to
open a charge account.