GABRIEL, A., trumpeter. Entered history at an early date as
the agent for the Garden of Eden. Compelled the Adam family to
move. Historians claim he will again be in Who's Who when St.
Peter (see him) makes the inventory. Ambition: Larger lungs.
GAINSBOROUGH, T. R. A., a versatile English hat and portrait
GALILEO, inventor, star gazer. Proved himself an imbecile by
declaring the world revolved when everybody knew it was
stationary. Manufactured the first spy-glass, an instrument
which has since been used in theatres and for various other
purposes. Also discovered that clocks were equipped with
GANGSTER, T. H. E., a politician known as a "progressive" when
out of office.
GARDEN, Mary, a clever actress who succeeded on the opera
stage. Legend has it that Mary possessed a fine voice as a
child. This was expensively cultivated in Europe, was later
exposed before English and American congregations, and her
Sapho-Salome-Thais-Carmen costumes packed the houses.
Ambition: Less wealth and more throat. She also wants a
husband with a soul. Recreation: Being presented with opera
houses and suppers. Residence: Principally Atlantic liners.
 Ed. Note: This is not an advertisement.
GARIBALDI, G., the George Washington of Italy without the tea
party. He espoused the cause of Victor Emmanuel (see Victor),
and successfully Bismarcked the Italian States. Slept in every
town in his country, ran second to V. E. in the number of
statues erected to his appearance, and for three years held the
championship for eating spaghetti.
GARRICK, an old English matinee idol.
GATLING, R. J., he was considered a big gun.
GAUL, Dying, a brave soldier who posed for his statue when
GEORGE I, King of England, 1660-1727. Permitted the whigs in
general, and one Walpole in particular, to run England.
GEORGE II, King of England, 1683-1760. Held a few wars.
GEORGE III, King of England, 1736-1820. Lived during the reign
of William Pitt, and believed in taxing tea.
GEORGE IV, husband of Queen Mary (see front pages of our
contemporary Who's Who).
GEORGE-LLOYD, Dave, a well-known cigar, English politician.
Entered politics via a newspaper, clever speeches, and votes.
Was a modest member of the House of Commons, seldom speaking
more than four times on any bill. Kept climbing until he
became under secretary of something, order keeper of the Board
of Trade, and finally occupied a prominent position in the
Exchequer. Assisted the Primer to grasp the Irish home rule
millstone, and hung on without a gurgle. Ambition: A
dynamite-proof house, a tax on air. Recreation: (see
Asquith). Address: Front row House of Commons. Clubs:
GIBSON, Charles Dana, American artist who pleased the old
inhabitants before the market was so wet.
GILLETTE, manufacturer of a well-known Christmas present which
cuts barbers out of their tips, and is deucedly annoying to
GIRL, The Chorus, Um!
GLADIATOR, Dying, another brave artists' model.
GLADSTONE, W. E., a grand old man who twice premiered England,
chopped trees, and failed to make accurate measurements with
the Irish home rule.
GLYNN, E., an old maid authoress who knew things. Wrote a book
which everybody tells the rector they have not read, and then
re-reads it when the doors are locked. In the United States a
law has been passed compelling booksellers to include a bottle
of disinfectant whenever a G. book is sold. Ambition: A
publisher who is not afraid of the police. Recreation:
Reading her own books. Address: Probably Paris. Clubs:
GOAT, T. H. E., the one who purchased this book.
GODIVA, Lady, horsewoman whose costume rivalled many exhibited
at the Paris horseshow. Many said her habit was out of sight.
GOETHE, a Dutchman who succeeded in making a few German words
GOLIATH, ancient heavyweight champion, who was knocked out in
one round by a lightweight. Defeat attributed to
overconfidence. Friends said nothing like that had ever entered
GOODWIN, Nathaniel, an American who was opposed to Mormonism,
but who adopted it on a progressive and newspaper scale.
GOOSE, Mother, a fine old lady who was loved by all, but who
told some awful untruths to the innocent.
GORDON, I. L., editor of Who Was Who. Probably the greatest
writer who ever lived. Spent early childhood in infancy. At
the age of fourteen began shaving and wearing long trousers. At
twenty-one G. was considered of age. Began writing while a
child. Penmanship so poor he took to the typewriter. Wrote Who
Was Who with hope someone would purchase it. Some one did.
Ambition: (He considers this personal and will not be quoted.)
Recreation: Looking for publishers. Address: Paris when
financially able. Other times in one of those confounded
GORKY, M., a resident of Russia who became unpopular with the
government and moved. He endeavored to make a lecture tour of
the United States accompanied by another man's wife. Learned
that this was not the usual custom in America. His managers
and hotel proprietors requested him to continue his travels.
Ambition: A czarless Russia; less fussy people. Publications:
Much unpatriotic literature.
GRAY, the man who wrote a clever cemetery poem, the first line
of which is remembered by everybody.
GREAT, Peter the, shipbuilder, and the only ruler of Russia who
never was bombarded. Was also unique in the fact that he
worked. Historians claim this was due to his poor salary.
GROAT, John, proprietor of a celebrated house located some
distance from Land's End.
GUILLOTIN, Doctor, a French inventor of a popular method of
decapitation, who had such confidence in his invention that he
was the first to give it a practical demonstration.
GULLIVER, a Munchausen-Doctor Cook-Peary traveler who never
submitted his proofs, but who found a credulous publisher and a
gullible public. Never lectured.